What has got me down lately?

Hello and welcome to my blog again. Well, the past week I have not been feeling like myself lately. I have been filled with self-doubt and wanting what other people wanted what I used to have. But that was not the path I wanted for myself it was the path that I used to know so well. A path that I do not want to go down again. It was a path of self-destruction to loneliness and self-loath. I am not that person anymore. I know my self worth and I know I am better than before. I am the type of person who wants answers and things to be done and now I have noticed that it can not be that way. This is my form of therapy because I am too afraid to tell someone else my problems and have them judge me even though it is their job not to judge me but I know people and I do not need that negative energy and looks from anyone. I give myself those looks daily. Somedays it bothers me on other days I really do not care. Why do I care what people say about me most of the time I don't but other days it really gets to me. Like I am not supposed to be here right now. Like I am supposed to be somewhere not here. I do not know really why I ever left a place I loved before. In that place I was happy. No care in the world except my child and my little family. Dang am I that messed up in the head? That was a lifetime ago. I have to let that time and place go. But, that does not mean I can start a new memory for my children and myself. I can only rely on myself and my little family, kids, and so how it goes. Welcome to my life!!!