Placed this in my husband hands

So here is our story. We were married on 3/18/2002. Was it the most romantic, no, were we deeply and truly in love, yes. We got married at the Brooklyn courthouse. And we have been married ever since, talked about divorce, yes, but have never gone through with it. He said I will be the only female he will ever marry. Have I tried, several times. I went to civil court in the Manhattan courthouse and they asked if we had children I said yes, but long story short they denied my request because we have children in common and wanted to get that straight away. We have an understanding of the matter. Back in 2007 after I slept with someone in 2004 I told him. It was just once and I never did it again. I was so ashamed that I couldn't lie to him and told him the truth. He forgave me we never talked about it and he got a tattoo with an interlocking chain with hearts that has his name and my name on it on his left arm and still has it to this day. So in 2006 unbeknownst to me, he started a relationship with a female by talking and texting her. And in 2007 right around valentines day I found out called the female she stated that he stated that the only reason he was with me was because of the kids and we do not sleep in the same bed anymore. She should have been in the bed the night before because things went down in the bedroom. And my heart was officially broken when I brought it up to him. He tried to deny it at first and I said hey I cheated on you once you can cheat with her just don't leave your family. He went to his mother's house that evening and my anger did not let me call him. He stood there for a month and our child's birthday was fast approaching. Well, let's just fast forward to he left me for good. After searching came to the conclusion that I don't need a man to make me and it was not the Christian thing to do so I have been by myself with my children. I always give my children the right to choose their own paths and whatever they choose they did it on their own. My boys wanted to see their dad in the beginning but he changed for the worst when it came to them so they changed and their relationship is no relationship at all. My youngest was only in his life for 11 months so he didn't know who he was or even that he was his dad. Their relationship, his relationship with MY kids is strained. But he takes care of his other two children who he fathered with the woman he left me for. He claims her as his wife and I am just thankful to be alive and to be with my children because they are my world. I used to write poems and draw but those days are gone. I just try to take care of my health and my children who need me and are UNIQUE in their own way. Endocarditis tried to kill me, I had that replaced with a new mitral valve. APS tried to affect me but it didn't, Lupus tried and failed. TIA's tried didn't work. The stroke reared its ugly head and left me with some deficits. Lupus vasculitis in my brain tried, didn't work. Sjogren's syndrome made an appearance that stood with me and still I am here. I had an emergency laparotomy, and still by the Grace of the mighty one I am still here. Diagnosed with Protein S and I am a testament to the mighty one that I am still here. Because of him and through him I am here today. YES, my husband not only abandoned me but my children as well. No, it's not easy but we are making it work and we're strong and resilient and we are WARRIORS.