Pen to paper. It has begun 1/29/21

It all became clear today. Me holding all my pain inside, letting people slide and think that they are taking advantage of me. Well, I can not hold it inside and continue to pretend that everything is okay with me. It is eating at me and I can no longer hold back my true feelings. It all started when I was in my first real relationship. My HUSBAND. The one who vowed in front of a judge and his family to love me for better or worse for richer for poor till death do we part. He did no oblige by those words. Yes, we were young when we got married but I truly believed in those words. I messed up and so did he. The difference is, I came back home and he did not. Fine, you want to leave me then leave ME, the kids had nothing to do with it. He abandoned his three oldest and began life anew with his family. Then came my last baby daddy, I call him that because that is all he was ever going to be. It took me a while to realize that, but when I did they relationship was never the same again. I bent over backward for this guy I just met... I gave him 13 years on my life 5 of which was straight just me and him when I knew he was looking for someone around the corner. The grass is not always greener on the other side buddy. And when he finally found that out it was too late. I fell out of love with him. He tried to stay relevant but the feelings we/are long gone. Then the one man whom I never thought would leave me or hurt me did just that. My father. I used to be daddy's little girl with my hair full of curl, but when it all came down to it, he was worse than the guys who did me wrong. Ever since then, I had no choice but to put up a steel barricade around my heart and my mentality changed. I no longer was that loving girl she was nowhere to be found. She was replaced by a warrior who only knew how to survive for her kids and herself. Nobody else matters. People figured that out and started to mess with my kids. That is where they went wrong. Mess with my kids get the horn of a bull charging at you full speed ahead. So that is where I am at now. Getting payback for ALL those who tried to cause my children to harm and stole MONEY and FOOD out their mouths. Be prepared I'm coming for you!!!!